What Egypt is Teaching me

With every passing day here, I feel the lessons growing and teaching me. Though they are truly countless, I wanted to share them with you guys, or a few huge ones. Some of these have really humbled me, or even lead to a total paradigm shift. Some of them I am still processing. But nonetheless, there is still growing to happen here in Egypt and it is a beautiful journey. So without further ado….

1. Family matters

I had a traditional academic knowledge of the East being more collective in its mind-set. I knew that this most likely meant people here would be more group-oriented and that they would consult the family in regards to their lives and decisions more frequently. And trust me, it's no generalization, group-orientation is a fact of life here. I noticed this family-oriented collectivism in Egypt right away, it's obvious. Feasts and holidays are spent with family. It is not embarrassing at all to pick up a call from your mom in public. Families will own whole buildings together and all live on different floors. Lunch (or really dinner to my meal timetable) is best served every day with a horde of family members surrounding you. One should even expect a constant stream of visiting family when sick. At first, to me, this seemed suffocating. But once I opened my eyes a little more I had to face the ignorance and the shocking amount of individualism I possessed which made me think that being this close to family was a bad thing.

In America, we work hard. But we work hard for ourselves. Here, we work hard for everyone. The beauty this is the safety net that is built underneath everyone in the end. When you hit a rough patch, don't worry, there are 30 aunts, uncles and cousins who have your back. So yes, maybe you will never have a moment of peace, but this is your blood and the roots go deep. Egypt has taught me to appreciate the values of family more. To invite them more into my life and love them better. To let go of my own selfishness and join the team. Because that was really what my own individualism actually amounted to; it was a justification to be selfish and it excluded me from those that love me most.

All the babies being cuddled....adorable.

2. Don't give up on your dreams

People here dream, but unlike where I come from, their dreams aren't to become famous or have 4 BMWs. Their dreams are things like simply getting married or owning ANY car (even a 1980s Trabant). Not that one dream is better than the other, it just goes to show how different the societies that I exist between varying when it comes to what they value in life. And what I think is something uniquely Egyptian is the way that Egyptians fight for what they dream. There are millions of people here; all over-qualified, highly educated, and over ambitious. With that much competition it’s hard just to even find a job. But Egyptians dream big, work hard and do not get discouraged. I often find myself giving up on things if it doesn't work out the first time. But I am being inspired by Egyptians. I am learning that if one path doesn't work out, don't give up, try a different route and keep the destination in mind. 

And the important lesson that I am learning that coincides with fighting for your dreams is to make it a habit. The daily grind here is exhausting, so I find it easy to slip into more negative habits, like saying I will do it tomorrow or I have more important things to do than that right now. But the more you say things like that, the further anyway you get from your goal. You have to make it a habit every day to go one step forward. The people who fight for what they dream everyday don’t sleep-in or wait until tomorrow.

3. Defend yourself, no one else will

This place is tough, I've said it many times. But the people here are tougher. If it's not defending their right to a fair election, it's defending their right to have bread on the table every day. I've learned here that in order to get my rights, I shouldn't just wait and expect someone to serve me. In the US, I was privileged enough to speak the language, I knew the system and I knew where to go to find the resources I needed. And I think back to all the refugees I used to serve, the international students I ambassador-ed; not knowing these parts of the society you live in feels scary and it is hard. I have so much respect for how strong displaced people are now knowing that this is how it feels. But this lesson awakens something inside you tells you to suck it up and figure it out. And at the beginning of my life in Egypt I might have been to shell-shocked to realize that I needed to defend myself, to fight for my rights. But now I have to ask, I have to be knowledgeable, and I have to fight. I am learning to stand up and speak up for myself. But balancing all of this the while holding a politeness and generosity for others is the challenge I am trying to perfect.

I am so thankful for this lesson by the way, this is not something that I should have only learned in Egypt. This is something about human rights, and as I learn this, I realize how important it is to teach others this and support this in my daily life.

4. Traditions have value

Egypt has a culture and society that has existed for 7,000 years. I come from a country with a history just shy of about 250 years. The traditions I am encountering here go back for centuries. And when I pause to take that idea in, it still takes my breath away. Some of these traditions seem silly- like having to say "issssshh" when trying to shoo flies out of the kitchen. Or screaming a hair-raising yelp when pouring garlic into morheya (a delicious herb/garlic soup). Others are deep and meaningful like only kissing the right hand of your parents because they have given you life and are the only ones that deserve that honor. And others are downright hard for me to believe, like making a newly married couple stay in their apartment 24/7 for a month and they can NEVER leave! No matter how I try to think about it, the more it sounds like prison to me.

But Egypt has taught me the beauty in having deep and old traditions. Even if some feel pointless, or they seem strange, there is this legacy and story being passed on. And all these traditions are life to Egyptians, this is the way that I am connecting myself to them and learning of them. It is something beautiful and I should learn to keep even in my own culture and life.

Religion starts early here too.

5. Respect 

This is especially respect for your elders. I often forget how necessary it is to approach people with respect. Here, this is all you can do. People hold respect and dignity in such high regards  But this in turn means they respect you. Here, when you welcome some one into your home, you better make them tea and sit with them for hours. I am learning to be patient with how I respect people. Egypt is teaching me to really act it out. To stand up for that old woman on the metro and offer my seat. To say "Salam Alaikom" when I get into that bus. To carry that bag up the stairs for that woman who has too many. And to always mind those around me. Not everyone does that here, so people do not have respect for others. But I am constantly reminded of the extreme value I find in a person that walks with respect.  

6. Let God in

Allah is written everywhere here. The constant reminders of God surround you in speech, in sight, in the buildings and even in the food. And this is absolutely beautiful. In America, there are people that are so proud of the fact it is a religious country. But those people need to come to a Muslim country to truly understand how it feels to have God in every thread of what you do. Now, I understand that this might not be for everyone. It wasn’t necessarily how I would have liked to have my God served up, my separation of religion and state flags were on high alert at the beginning. But when I finally opened myself up to it, and man, it is so powerful to find God everywhere. It is a quiet reminder, a gentle friend by your side. 

7. Boundaries are necessarily

Once upon a time I was the type of person that was so afraid of hurting others that I would never say no to any request. It was always yes, even if it was a begrudging yes. But in Egypt, that type of behavior can get you in serious trouble. And unfortunately I learned this the hard way. Saying yes one time to a guy that happened to bump into me after a late night facilitation session turned into months of constant calls, stalking on my Facebook, endless messages. And finally, now that he is finally gone for good, I realized that it is all simply because I would not draw lines. But if I had said no, not given him my number, then none of what followed would have followed. To be honest, to this day I am still afraid of blocking people or experiences out of my life. Afraid of saying no too many times and losing the chance to meet wonderful people. But, not everyone in the world is a wonderful person all the time. And I am learning that it is ok to protect myself. It is ok to say no, in fact, it is necessary.

8. Be yourself boldly

Before I left to Egypt I was given a little journal from the community I was leaving. On this little journal in scrawled out in beautiful swirls and curls are the words: “Be You, Bravely”. This little journal has come to mean a lot to mean, because not only is it a reminder of where I came from and the people I love back home, it is a message to hold for myself in the future. A message I am still trying to learn to this day.

Sometimes it feels daunting to be yourself in a society where you have green eyes, pale skin and only speak English. Where no matter what you do you are going to stick out as if you were painted purple. But I am discovering that when you lose your original culture and how well it protected you; you come to find some interesting fundamentals about yourself.  When I left “the land of pale skin and blue eyes” and went to “the land of brown eyes and olive skin”, I had a lot of trouble knowing what to do with who I was before. How do you know what is necessary in your person or what are things you did because it was a part of your previous culture? For example: loving people. For a while here I felt absolutely lost because I was not sure how to love people in the ways I previously had known. Baking cookies or writing little letters didn’t seem to feel right. But what I realized despite this; is that it is absolutely second nature for me to try to remind people how much I love them. All I had to do is realize the ways that this message is translated to Egyptians. But I didn’t have to change the original message. But this point, the desire to show people I love and appreciate them, is something I cannot help.

But once you figure out the difference between what is the core of your person and the things you did before because of your previous culture, you get the unique opportunity to really discover yourself. And it is fun to see how you apply your core self to a new culture.

9. Go with the flow

Egypt feels like a 24/7 circus at times. I find myself saying many things like, "I do not think they should put that many boxes on that truck..." or "How many people do they think can fit on one microbus?" or “I don’t think they should that, it’s been out of the fridge for 3 days...” or "Did that woman just cut the whole line?" And I have realized that often when I feel like I do not get Egypt or it feels absolutely nuts, it’s my perspective that needs a shift. Having grown up in a pretty organized society it is only natural that some practices and customs here would leave your mouth gaping in awe. But who says that they are wrong and we are right? The simple matter is that yes, Egyptians will do things that seem strange to my American self, but….I’m not in America anymore. And if you think how they are packing their trucks is safety hazards for everyone remotely close on the road, it’s time to get over it and embrace the fact that Egyptians have amazing packing skills. And if you think all microbus drivers come from a special place in hell just to terrorize the streets, realize that most Egyptians would agree with you. Egypt is beautifully different and unique in every way. And I have decided that embracing those differences will allow me to richly indulge in the uniqueness of Egypt, which is a better way to love my life here. Way better than constantly struggling to make Egypt fit into my previous paradigm of American life.

10. Wisdom does not amount to papers

I knew this would happen, I knew before I ever stepped a foot in Egypt that I would learn a lot when I came here. I just had no idea how deep and resounding these lessons would become. And I didn't realize how much I needed to learn these lessons.  But the funny thing is; these are not lessons that are ever written down anywhere. They are held in the relationships that you build with the people around you.

When I first met the woman pictured below, a large woman with a smile that lights up the room but a commanding presence that intimidates grown men; I saw in her face a deep wisdom that she had gathered from life. This woman is one of ten children who grew up in an old two bedroom apartment, educated only to high school, she married a kind farmer (Baba in my eyes) and has always lived in only two places in this world: her hometown and an even smaller village. You would think that this type of person would never accept someone like me. In fact, I expected the whole family to turn me any with the reputation that American media makes about American women. But in this family I found unflinching hospitality and love. And she teaches me, like my own mother would, how to be a better person. These are not lessons you get from any book. Life here in Egypt is about the lessons you get from the people every day. About the surprising knowledge you find in simply living life.