Sunday, May 27, 2012

Hopes, Dreams and all the Wishes Inbetween

"When you can't change the direction of the wind- adjust your sails." --H. Jackson Brown

Time is running short for me and Europe right now. And I know, it's still more than a month and a half left, but I know that is something that will go in a blink of an eye. I still have a hard time picturing myself anywhere else right now, and going home is beyond me.

I have seen a lot of close friends go through this process and I think I should start through the stages of accepting the thought of going home. Because I have, unfortunately, had a very sour outlook on the idea of going home. It's so hard because I feel like I've been given a year to completely fall in love with another place (and I am deeply in love with it, by the way) and now I have to go back to some kind of uncertainty I do not understand. And it is so hard to translate the experiences, lessons, knowledge, and changes I have gained here. This was not an ordinary experience in any sense of the word.

So, for now, I know I need to allow myself to think and process the reality of this experience coming to an end. And I really need to realize that it is not over yet. I am still going to Russia, Germany, the Netherlands, and France (maybe the Czech Republic too...that's to be decided tonight). I still have amazing friends to spend my days with and so much more to learn. And it doesn't have to be over if I don't want it to be; Europe is not disappearing from the Earth nor from my life.

I have some new goals from of the this and I can feel them growing in my heart. I was thinking I would go further in my studies even before Europe but now I am thinking maybe I can do my Master's in Europe. Just think, two or three years back in Europe. It would be a dream come true! And to be honest, I was never sure about what my degrees or what my life would look like after this. My time here in Europe was a huge goal and I cannot believe I achieved it already.

So I have to go on and leave my life open to the changes that are occurring. It's not up to me, I still believe that. I was given a heart for the world, for certain places, people and things. And I have full faith that at the end of this life I will be so happy. I just need to keep my eyes, heart and mind open. And I have to think more positively and understand the power that I have to make changes in my own life. Dreams are incredibly powerful things. Dreams are what got me here in the first place.

Some pictures from a Lithuanian Spring:




Hill of Witches in Nida:






The Curonian Spit, Nida:





Raining lots here!



A fake, surprise Birthday party:






A visitor from afar!



And finally went to Riga!!




Our wonderful group for the Day! Agnese and Ingrida did a great job with showing Miguel and I around:






So if you have read this far, you are very dedicated and I thank you so much for reading! Until next time my dear friends! All my love....

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Oh Lord, how things have changed...

Just some thoughts as I write a few post-cards home right now and creep away on old Facebook friends... did I really have any clue, say 12 months ago, that I would be anywhere near this place? Did I know how much absolutely everything would change? I really had no clue...and it almost makes me laugh now. I had no clue that I would come to Lithuania; to a completely new culture, environment, and life; meet some of the closest people I have ever meant, have some the most interesting stories become reality and have my whole life changed. I had no idea that my eyes would be opened wider than they have ever been and I would see a whole new side to the world. This is a dramatic change; it has shaken everything I have ever known to the core. And now I feel like my life is waiting to be exhaled. Now I have found the air, I have sucked it all in and I am on the cusp of breathing it all out.

I am sadden by some of the consequences that have come in tow with this change I have experienced. Some of my friends and even family I haven't talked to...maybe I don't even know who they really are anymore. And I still cannot tell you how much I have changed as a person. It's a very strange situation I feel like I have landed myself in... and yet, I will always know that this has been a truly once in a lifetime experience for me. Tons of things have changed and I may have lost a lot of connection from it. But I think it has become something truly extraordinary for me.

And more thoughts...

How much do we really ever know about each other? How can we ever possibly piece together the lives we had before we encountered each other? How do we know every word that was muttered to that person, every street that they have walked, every story that they have know? There is no possible way to gather it all together. Do we ever really know a person fully? Sometimes I wish I could know exactly what all my friends are going through, or what their histories really looked like. But I will never know because I do not have their eyes and there is so much that I have never seen of their lives.

Just things that I have been thinking about today....