A new semester in Lithuania!

Hello friends near and far!

So now I have made my way back to Siauliai. It's a little surreal still because it feels like I am just slipping into an old life I just left behind. But I am excited for the new semester and can't wait to tell you more of the adventures I have going on! 

The great thing about going home was being able to see all the familiar faces and hold all the people I have missed so much finally! I can't tell you how much better it was to talk to people face to face instead of over skype! I got my camera fixed while I was home (or, well we bought a new lens) and it has been AMAZING to have it back!! Part of me cannot deny the liberty in not having to worry about "capturing the moment" on my travels, but then I find more and more that I cherish the memories in photos. So I am excited to keep working on taking better photos and remembering all the wonderful things going on in my life.

And you remember how worried I was about London and being alone for awhile? Well, like usual, it was all for nothing. London was perfect, expensive, but perfect. I think it was very good for me to have exposure in doing things alone, especially something big like traveling and exploring a city by yourself. I discovered some power within myself that I never really noticed before. Yes, I CAN do all the things I need to do to survive in a city I don't know. But I also learned that I really do prefer traveling with at least one other person. There are some things about traveling alone that are just too difficult to do alone. And just having a companion with you makes a world of difference sometimes; you have someone to talk to when you are on a bus, someone to take pictures with, someone to always eat with. It's better, for me at least. 

But my dear friends Miguel and Gonzalo made all the difference for me in London. We got to explore and laugh our way through the suburbs of London. I always love going to the suburbs of big cities sometimes. It always proves to show a charming side that you don't notice in all the hustle and bustle. We went to really cool places like the Seven Sisters, which was a cliff face that was absolutely gorgeous!!! I couldn't believe my camera was dead that day! So mad at myself! And we went to Brighton too and I learned that hipster town was were the Kooks grew up. And suddenly, everything in my life came together. Seriously, if you are a hipster in the need for a home...go to Brighton. They are waiting for you.

After paying 319 pounds to get my luggage to Lithuania (that's about $500 btw....I almost died) I arrived home! The taxi driver screwed me over and dropped me off at the wrong place. But it still felt good to be back in a place that I knew. Now its just been a waiting game in Siualiai for everyone in the Erasmus program to arrive. My new roommate, Carolin from Germany, is an absolute sweetheart and yells at me all the time for not wearing socks. She gave me an amazing book to read, called "The Selected Works of T.S. Spivet". It's a fun book to read because everywhere in the margins are cool drawings and side stories...love it! She is also teaching me both German and Russian...so all in all, she's awesome. 

I have a lot on my mind lately about what I what I want to make this semester become...because it is so different. And I feel a little lost right now because I don't see it all coming together. I am searching for deep cultural encounters, for spiritual connections, for learning new things....but I feel stuck in the old routine of a life I made last semester. And I feel like it takes so much more strength for me to reach out and far too much responsibility to try to carry the weight of everyone here. I have lots to figure out still, obviously.

But I have some questions that I have been asking myself a lot lately, and maybe soon I will have some answers for them. I'll share:

1. How do you want to be seen by everyone this semester?
2. How can you make this semester better than last?
3. How will you make sure your heart is healthy?
4. How will you make sure you become better from this?
5. How can you help people more?
6. How do you want to use this experience in your life?
7. What is the purpose for this time in your life?
8. What do you want to learn from this?
9. How will you make deep relationships?
10. How will you love those around you better?
11. How will this change how you love in the future?

The first picture I took with the new lens!

Pictures of Christmas with the folks first!

Jacob and I painting our viking ship together!

The countdown to the Olympics!

The Royal Albert Hall. My mom and I watched a video of Adele playing there.

Sarah Redman was supposed to write her protest letter to this...

A bad picture of the Dali I got to see! I love him!

I think I can do this...

Here I am. Right now I am sitting in the Montreal Airport, waiting for my flight to London. I feel myself on the cusp of a grander adventure than the previous adventure before. Going home was amazingly good for me. I needed to see the familiar faces that I loved again, I needed to feel completely comfortable again. I think that is the thing that wears on you after awhile when you abroad. You just want to be comfortable again. And it was so good to hug every single last person that loved me; laugh with them again, and share life with them again for a small time.

But now, I am on my way back to Europe and this time I am alone for awhile. Part of me dreads it. The unexpected-ness of it all makes my stomach churn and makes my hands shake. But then again, I can hardly wait. Because I know that going somewhere alone will bring something out of me that I have never known was inside of me before. Of course I am afraid that something bad will happen, but I am learning that as with all of life, all I can do is hold my breath and jump right in. I am sure that London will be fine. At this point I even know how to get to my hostel just fine. I can do this, I just need to believe in myself.

I have to share my gratitude I have for everyone in my life right now. My parents, my best friend Arri, Robin. Tim, Jeff, Justin, Amanda, Sarah #1, Joni, Kristen, Lindsay-loo-who, and alllllllll of Atlas Greeley. These adventures and this beautiful life that I have been gifted with so graciously has all been because of you. I really don't understand sometimes, I don't understand why I was given this chance of a lifetime. But I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Thinking about how I am going to use every moment I have been given and returning it to those I love and the community I call home. I'm thinking about my future, about who I want to become from this, what I want to learn from this. They are all big ideas I guess, but I just very want this moment in my life to become something so beautiful and productive. And now I am thinking about how I can make this semester abroad different. I want it to be something that challenges me and pushes me beyond my limit and safety zones. It's a lot to think about, but I have a 8 hour flight to London to mull it over.  :)

So, for now, I am on my way! Bon voyage!

You know me...

If you know anything about me, you know I LOVE setting goals and thinking about the future. So it's only fitting that I should yet again share my goals that I set for the year 2012!

Buckle up, there's a few  ;)

My 10 Goals for 2012

• Be more open-minded
• Ask more questions
• Be more curious
• Say yes more
• Be more loving
• Try to think of others more
• Random acts of kindness
• Be more inclusive
• Be more confident
• Stick to my identity
• Be more outgoing and trusting
• Plan more
• Budget for trips
• Future planning
• Be more organized
• Be more creative
• More original thought
• More photography 
• More music
• More artwork
• Be more adventurous
• Be with people you normally wouldn't
• Do something everyday that scares you
• Figure out my next steps
• Be more spiritual and thoughtful
• Read more books
• Research and think more
• Study more languages and history
• Stay in touch
• Be quick to respond to others
• Listen and instigate conversation
• Care more
• Be more compassionate
• Put people first
• Love, no matter what

So happy New Year and I hope it's a year of accomplishments for you guys too!

Have you heard of this?

Well, it's been absolutely crazy lately! But I think I say that every time I write a blog post. Still working on my thoughts from the November trip...I actually just left my journal in Lithuania and I can't finish it til I get back! Boo!

But I can give you lots of updates on the months of December and January...no pictures though, sorry. That was one tragedy that I had to face, I dropped my camera from my bed and broke the lens. So for all of the last month and Italy and Spain I was without a camera. Which in a way was sort of liberating because I didn't have the camera attached to my face. But I did go through a moment where I felt artistically stunted, it was a little rough at first, but we got through!

But closing the semester in Siauliai was hard. There were lots of tears from those that had to leave and lots of hugging. There is definitely never going to be anything like what we all experienced that semester together. I am going to miss every single person's presence there...so, saying goodbye was incredibly hard. But somehow we were able to do it!

Kim, myself, Choi (S. Korea), and Hee-Kyung (S. Korea) were invited to spend Christmas with Juan and his family in Madrid. This was my favorite part of the traveling experience so far. I have never met such kind and open people in my whole lifetime! Juan's whole family was more than willing to open up their home for 5 strangers to come and spend all of Christmas with them...incredible. Madrid was beautiful and we saw tons of beautiful things, definitely a place that I will go back to!

After a very, very, very tearful goodbye to Juan and his family we were on our way to Rome! Rome was everything you've ever heard it to be. There were thousands of people though. It was a little overwhelming and a little too busy at times. But after a few days there you get used to the street-peddlers, the different faces, the thousands of languages. Good coffee, amazing pasta and pizza and plenty of incredible sights to see!

And so ends half of my journey across Europe. We rang in the New Year in Vilnius with our friends from Turkey (Ceyhun, Yusuf, and Mert) as well as our German friends (Franci and Boris). I've never experienced anything like that before. We stood in the Cathedral Square with literally thousands of people, fireworks were shooting off everywhere and the excitement of the New Year rolling over everyone. It was probably one of the best New Year's I've ever had!

Now I am back home for a little while. I went to Seattle for a little bit to visit my dearest and bestest friend, Arri (as well as Robin, Tim, and Jeff!). Washington is an absolutely beautiful state. There is so much life there and people seem to just live at their own pace. It was wonderful to see my best friend again. It recharged something within me, I needed to spend time with her again. Then I came back to Denver. My dearest parents saved tons of Christmas stuff for me and we all had a little late Christmas together. I am so happy to be back here and see everyone that I have missed so much!

But, alas, I will go back and a new journey will begin! I leave for Europe on the 23rd of January, the day after my 21st birthday! I arrive to London and I spend a few days in London before I head back to Lietuva! It's all been so exciting and adventurous.

Have you heard of this by the way? This is the Holstee Manifesto...and it is amazing. I've decided that this is going to be my life motto for a little while.



"This is your life. Do what you love and do it often. If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit. And if you don't have enough time, stop watching TV. If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love. Stop over analyzing, life is simple. All emotions are beautiful. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once, seize them. Life is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating. LIFE IS SHORT. Live your dream and share your passion." --The Holstee Manifesto

Talk to you later friends! Maybe even see you soon!  :)

Want to know about the famed NOVEMBER trip?

Well, you may have heard lots about it. You may have heard me mention it from time to time. And you may have wondered...what in the world is the "November trip"? Well well well my friends. This November trip is the biggest endeavor Kim and I have decided to try to take on. We are traveling with two other people: Juan from Spain and Sangkyu from South Korea to 5 countries in Western Europe in about 2 weeks. And we are very very VERY excited! So I decided that I would share our plans and little things we've been learning along the way. Maybe it would help some other travelers out in the world.

So I figured I would just go by each country and give you the break down of what resources we used for our plans in each. In general we found a couple sites to be useful for every place we have ever traveled in the world...ever. Like Hostels.com! (http://www.hostels.com/) This is a great site that I personally love to use whenever we go someplace that we have no friends to stay with, it has always recommended the best hostels for the cheapest prices wherever we go!
And what we decided to go with a train pass that would get us between those 5 countries a lot cheaper than flying would. But here comes the disappointing news for non-EU members... Kim, Sangkyu and I had to go for a Eurail pass (http://www.eurail.com/home) because we had the unfortunate fate of being born outside the European Union. So a pass for 5 countries valid for two months ended up costing $430, and that included insurance and shipping fees (which was what really killed us and pissed us off! 30 Euro to send it to us?! It better be delivered with hot naked men and I get a message after delivery for 30 effing Euro) So this is our pass that we chose, just in case you are super dedicated and wanted to know: http://www.eurail.com/eurail-passes/select-pass/5-countries
But our EU friend, Juan, got the good deal with the InterRail pass that is only for EU members (http://www.interrailnet.com/interrail-passes). For only about 185 Euro (about $260) he could travel to 30 different countries in EU for as long as it is valid, which is 10 days I think. So we paid about double what he did. It makes me so mad, almost enough to force America to join the European Union. Who decided to make this special exclusive EU rules? We could have been daring and risked it all by getting a InterRail pass anyway  and pulling the dumb-foreigners card if we got caught. But Kim and I just couldn't risk it...the last thing we wanted to do was worrying about getting kicked off a train every time we rode it or having to pay more money in the end. We thought to go the safe route. But for the adventurous and frugal travelers, we have heard you can successful travel InterRail as a non-EU member. Or super savvy and talented Turkish friend Ceyhun did it when he traveled across Europe.

Ok, so let's go day by day:

We are starting Thursday November 10th:
We take a bus to Vilnius and spend one night in Vilnius. We will be staying at Old Town Hostel (http://www.hostels.com/hosteldetails.php/HostelNumber.14803). We have all staid there before and have enjoyed it a lot. It has a great location, it is very clean and tons of helpful resources. The kitchen is also huge which is a plus.

Then the next morning we'll be off on our way to Bremen, Germany. We'll be flying RyanAir the whole way, so wish me luck because I've never flown RyanAir and I don't know what to expect. I keep hearing these RyanAir horror stories about how freaking difficult it is to fly Ryanair, so I'm a little intimidated and afraid, but I guess there's more to come on that later.

So from Bremen we then take a train to....BERLIN!! We are going to be meeting Boris (the boyfriend of my fabulous friend Franci) and their friends Alex and George. There we will be staying at the U Inn, which I'm a little worried is completely faraway from everything that we want to go see, but there is only so much we can do to try to fix that now, but I think it will all be fine in the end.

The things we want to see in Berlin:

• Berlin Wall
• East Side Gallery
• Checkpoint Charlie
• Brandenburg Gate
• Picture Gallery (Classical Painting Museum)
• Maybe the Hamburger Bahnhof (Museum for the present- contemporary Art museum)
• And I really really really really really REALLY want to go to Judishes Museum Berlin which is this cool abstract memorial museum for the Holocaust
• Curry 36, kebabs, beer and wursts are on our list of things we must go eat while in Berlin

Unfortunately, we only have one night and one day in Berlin. I think this list of things is more than enough for us to conquer in that amount of time (Don't worry Berlin! I'll be back soon I hope!) And after that we should be well on our way to Copenhagen in DENMARK!! We are taking a night train, so along the way we have two changes and layovers. Which means we might not actually be getting a lot of sleep... but life goes on I guess.

On November 13th, we arrive in Copenhagen. We will meet Mette, Kim's friend that she met in her international connections last year at UNC. Metter sounds super adorable and super excited to see us! We can't wait to meet her and give her big hugs. I'm not quite sure what we are going to see in Copenhagen (I know, shame on me, worst traveler ever) But I am sure it will be so worth it!! It's only one night in Copenhagen and we will be sleeping at a hostel called Sleep in Heaven...more to come one the conditions later.  :)

On November 14th we take a train to AMSTERDAM! We plan on staying two nights and 2 and a half days in the most liberal city in the world. We want to go see all the cool museums, maybe ride bikes around, and of course at least go see what everyone is talking about. I'm sure the boys will have more fun in that area than we will. We are staying two nights in Amsterdam....

....so on November 17th we take a morning train from Amsterdam to BRUSSELS! We had a quick change of plans and decided to spend the night in Brussels as well. Lucky for us, Belgium is probably the only place we might not have a language barrier! Apparently most people in Belgium speak English, lucky us!

Then we say au revoir to Brussels and take a night train to PARIS on November 18th. We are going to blissfully have 3 nights to explore the city of love from top to bottom. Also lucky for us, Kim has another friend from the international dorm at UNC who lives 20 minutes outside of Paris. Not only is he going to show us around all the time, he is going to let us stay with him at his parent's house! His name is Raphael and we are incredibly excited to see him!!!

Then, unfortunately, all the fun must come to an end. We have to fly back to Lithuania on November 20th to Kaunas. We will probably be totally exhausted and have to catch a bus back to Siauliai very early. But! We will probably be coming back from one of the best trips of our lives! Can't wait to tel you guys more about it...once I get back of course!!!  :)  :)  :)

Learning and growing

I say it a lot, and I mean it just as much, but I just cannot seem to describe to you the deeply spiritual and mental journey this experience has become. I expected it. I knew there would be days where I would feel alone or guilty or afraid. But the other things I have experienced are absolutely beyond words. I have never learned so much in such little time. I've discovered things about myself; my identity, my beliefs, my prejudices, my talents, my gifts. I've learned what it means to stand for something, and how important it is to cling to that identity within you. I used to fear categories and labels, but now I've just accepted the fate that no matter what, people will use them and I might as well make it clear what labels I want put over my head. I've learned what it means to listen. I've learned what it means to care. I've learned to be flexible and open-hearted, genuine and honest. And I think I've discovered what is important in this life is just love. And love has always been a serious subject and word for me; it's never been a light-weight word. especially when it comes to actions and life. But here it has been given richer and deeper meaning and application than I ever thought possible. It comes in the simplest kindness from strangers, it comes from making friends in the most beautiful ways, it comes from learning new things from people different than yourself. It goes beyond action or emotion, it is a type of love that you can only feel shake you to your bones. And here, there is this certain type of fearless that arrives as you deal with each new day. I can conquer anything. There is no person too scary or intimidating to become a friend. There is no language barrier too great to communicate. There is no food to
odd to try.

Sometimes, I get sad. I miss home. I miss feeling completely comfortable and knowledgeable. And of course I miss all the familiar and beautiful faces that exist back home. But then, somewhere along the line, someone picks me up and helps me realize that this whole world is my home. And all the people here are familiar faces that love me and all the places are just different looking homes for me to relax in.

So, that's just a teeny, tiny bit of my thoughts on the way that this trip has impacted me so far. It's so hard to put into words some change you can't quite describe, so it may take me a little bit to figure it all out.

But I wanted to refine some of my goals for the rest of this journey, just because I think it's important to do that sometimes.

1. I want to learn more history
2. I want to read more
3. I want to take better pictures
4. I want to learn more about other cultures
5. I want to love people better
6. I want to learn one new skill
7. I want to learn new languages
8. I want to discover more of the world
9. I want to be a better friend
10. I want to pray and reflect more
11. I want to think more

So I am going to upload pictures on blogger for a while I guess, just because Facebook has been the most IRRITATING thing on the planet lately with pictures. I have some of Kaunas and Grutos Parkas up!

What the heck am I doing with my life?

To Whom it May Concern,
I just wanted to take the time to apologize. This is an apology that reaches to every missed opportunity, broken promise, forgotten moment, hurried conversation, and mistake. There are no excuses, but for whatever reason there just never seems to be enough hours in the day for all the things that I want to do and want to think about. There is so much pressure that comes with being so far away and seeing so many things. I cannot express to you how much I am learning; everyday, I could write novels. I wish I could too, because they all would be so interesting. I mean, who can say really say that they held a church service in their dorm with a Dutch person in the morning and by the evening they were learning about Turkish dances and the Sacrifice Festival that is going on right now. And this was a normal day for me.

And I'm not trying to rub this travel experience in anyone's face. But I just have to let it be said I feel this unbearable guilt and weight as I go about this experience. This is a weight of all not knowing what I'm accidentally leaving behind or losing, not knowing what or who I am overlooking, or just not being perfect enough to handle it all.

Maybe I think too much.  Maybe it turns out that I am not the type of person cut out for traveling. Maybe I am too set in my ways, closed-mind, and intolerant to be the open-book-world-loving kind of traveler I envisioned myself to be in my head. But I feel like I am drowning sometimes here, and I guess this is a stress that goes beyond what I have ever experienced before in my life.

Everything is tugging at me all at once. I'm a student. I'm a traveler. I'm a historian. I'm a lover. I'm an anthropologist. I'm a photographer. I'm a friend. I'm a sister. I'm a daughter. I'm a Christian. I'm a perfectionist.  And I feel so guilty because I feel like I am not fulfilling these roles with all that I can. But sometimes it feels like to much and I am sinking. But what can I do? What would I change of this experience or of myself to make it better?

I think it all comes down to forgiving myself. I am a reflective person. I like to take the time I need to think about what I have learned, what I have taken from all my experiences, I like to think about how every piece of my day fits into the larger concept of my life. It's only when I get the chance to do this type of reflection that  I feel right about it all. And I feel ridiculous because a normal person would have already had this figured out; they would have known what they wanted to get from this whole experience, they would have had priorities straight and they would have just ran with it. But not me for some reason. I spend more time just trying to figure out my own stupid identity and goals as I experience this life. Sometimes I have no clue who I am at all here and I feel like I am just stupidly being pulled along by everyone else around me. And I am jealous of all those people who seem to have it figured out; they are strong, they are independent, and they are learning all that they want.

But for me, this is not enough. I expect more out of myself and this is why I have such a big problem with where my priorities have been lately, what I'm filling my time with, what I am learning and what I'm putting my most energy towards. But I just wanted to apologize now to anyone who might be reading this and myself for not fulfilling all that I think I should. But all I can do is let it all go, and just live my life moment by moment. And most of all forgive myself when I don't think I am being perfect.